Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Grit Your Teeth Smiling

Once upon a time, Nokesville was a quiet, unobtrusive little hick town of one street. The kids all went to school in t-shirts and blue jeans and spoke with a charming drawl. Tucked into the corners of that street were our family’s vet, dentist, library, post office, gas station, car repair shop, tiny general store, etc. Well, the dentist is still there, but Nokesville’s atmosphere has changed dramatically in 20 years. Sadly, the farmers have had a hard time keeping their land and have given in to the temptation to sell out to Washingtonians with big houses, small families, fancy cars, and no sense of the beauty they’re destroying by deciding to build in the middle of a 10 acre field. [Ok, deep breath …] Anyways, to remain competitive with the ritzy new crowd, our sweet, Christian dentist office had a complete make-over, literally. All the staff members got make-overs and are now called “Smile Ambassadors.” The whole place looks like a spa. As I walked in they set me up on a massage chair with a warmed neck roll. Last time Mom was in, they gave her a wax hand treatment too. A little weird in Nokesville, but it was all fine until my “Smile Ambassador” said, “Open wide for Mr. Thirsty!” What?! What is “Mr. Thirsty”??? Oh, the spit sucker—of course … ok that was a little over the top my friends. Then, when you walk out, they have cake, cookies, nuts, soy drinks, raspberry iced tea, etc. for your enjoyment (it was probably provided by the development and financial personnel as a way to increase visit frequency—tempting and it destroys your teeth.) However, some things about Nokesville you just can’t change. Vicky, who has known me since before I could see over the counter, was still at the reception desk. As I checked out, she chatted gaily about my future career doing voice-overs because apparently that’s a perfect occupation for a voice like mine. Go figure! I love quirky country towns. Maybe it’s because I’ve always lived in one, but mostly it’s what speaks “good ol’ Americana” most to me.


Blogger Filia Dei said...

You, my dear, have a dangerously astute understanding of the reality of the humorous: these last two posts almost caused a disgraceful eruption of hilarity in my corner of a certain reserved and peaceful office in London. Do write on!

And here is a formal invitation to visit the blog I'm working on myself: Enjoy!

6/29/2005 9:50 AM  
Blogger The Fonz said...

The wax hand treatments and the cookies and soy drinks after you leave the operating room are preety sweet (what is a wax hand treatment? can guys get one? do they do back massages instead?), but the Mr. Thirsty thing is really overdoing it. I don't think softening up the dentist experience with cute names works..."Okay, now here comes Mrs. Drill to bore a hole into Mr. Tooth." It'd be more honest and just as terrifying to say "Alright kid, open your stinkin' mouth so we can drill holes in you."

6/29/2005 10:48 AM  
Blogger Filia Dei said...

I agree; pet names for inanimate objects are terrifying.

Besides the fact that children are much molly-coddled these days, the linguistic anomalies are sometimes quite suggestive: my little brother refuses to eat 'Mr. Spinach', and taking that statement literally, I can't say I disagree with him.

6/29/2005 10:54 AM  
Blogger Kelly Jo said...

For the gents: A wax hand treatment is an easy process by which you dip your hands in warm liquid wax. You let it dry/harden and then peel it off along with any dead/dried skin cells. Then, you coat your hands in a high moisture lotion and presto you have lovely feeling smooth hands- or at least that's what I'm told by those whose hands are idle enough to do such things.

Filia Dei- awesome site! Visit it people if you have a moment to bask in the presence of intriguing bits of art and language.

Regarding naming inanimate objects: Sometimes it does help one keep quite sane ... For instance, I was informed that the one pixel on my work computer screen is named Bob. He is actually a little demon that makes my computer slow down or shut down at the moment when I most need it to work perfectly. At least it gives some sort of explanation to the randomness of electronics (and one needs things like that when you're alone in the office for too long!)

6/29/2005 11:58 AM  

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